I can't begin to tell you how much better I feel today. I finally broke down and emailed him last night. Basically I got something off my chest that has been bothering me for awhile: My slight tirade that Sunday morning. How I knew in my head that it wasn't going to be what I wanted but I had let my heart lead. I of course said a few other non-break up things.
He actually responded and it has given me a little bit of closure. First he said it was good to hear from me (that was nice) and then this:
I wish I could have given you what you wanted (or at least taken the next step), but you know how us commitment phobes are... plus, you are right. You deserve to get what you want. And I am sure that you will find it!
Not exactly what I want to hear, but at least one he thinks I deserve better and addressed that possibly there wasn't anything wrong with me.
Glad I emailed and now I really know he isn't going to beg for me back (bummer). It just means I can close the chapter and start to move forward. Yes, I will still have delusions...
It's still not perfect, but at least it is getting better!
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