I know I haven't written in awhile and that is because while things are going well, I know I am currently making decisions I don't need to be making.
That said, I just can't stop!
I have been hanging out with John not quite weekly but enough and we have such a good time. While my head knows that nothing is going to change, it doesn't mean that sometimes I don't let me heart think it is going to.
I am also afraid that if I keep it up I might lose some friends in my life over it and we all know it is Ho's before Bro's! It is so easy for others to look at a situation and make the 'right' decision when they aren't in it. What can you do? I am an adult and my friends should know enough to trust me that I do understand what is going on. Does that mean that I am not going to get hurt again? No. Am I aware this is a possibility? Yes. Do I hope they will be around to help me through it? Yes. If not, that is their decision.
Anyway, I think I am getting close to realizing that the relationship (even as friends) is not good for me and I will be moving on. I just gotta get it out of my system...
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Currently Listening To...
I am thinking about making this my new theme song:
Bruised But Not Broken
Joss Stone
Full Lyrics:
Been alot that I've been through
I cried a tear a time or two
Baby, you know I cried some over you, yeah
Had my heart kicked to the ground
Love ripped me up and tore me down, baby
But that ain't enough to break me
Cuz I'll rise above it
And I'll pick myself up
And I'll dust the pain off my heart
[CHORUS]
And I'll be alright
And I'll love again
And the wounds will mend
I'm bruised but not broken
And the pain will fade
I'll get back on my feet
It's not the end of me
My heart is still open
I'm bruised but not broken
Been alot of tears stained nights
I thought the tears were here for life, baby
The hurt came on and held on tight, yeah
Took a chance, I took a fall
Love broke my heart and shattered all my dreams
But I won't be down on my knees
Cuz I'll rise above it
And I'll pick myself up
And I'll shake the rain out of my heart
[CHORUS]
And I'll be alright
And I'll love again
And the wounds will mend
I'm bruised but not broken
And the pain will fade
I'll get back on my feet
It's not the end of me
My heart is still open
I'm bruised but not broken
Gonna pick my heart up
Take my life back
Shake the hurt away
Pull myself together, put the pieces back in place
I learned love's so hard
Love left my soul scarred
I was shattered inside
[CHORUS]
And I'll be alright
And I'll love again
And the wounds will mend
I'm bruised but not broken
And the pain will fade
I'll get back on my feet
It's not the end of me
My heart is still open
I'm bruised but not broken
Video from You Tube
Lyrics from AZ Lyrics
Bruised But Not Broken
Joss Stone
Full Lyrics:
Been alot that I've been through
I cried a tear a time or two
Baby, you know I cried some over you, yeah
Had my heart kicked to the ground
Love ripped me up and tore me down, baby
But that ain't enough to break me
Cuz I'll rise above it
And I'll pick myself up
And I'll dust the pain off my heart
[CHORUS]
And I'll be alright
And I'll love again
And the wounds will mend
I'm bruised but not broken
And the pain will fade
I'll get back on my feet
It's not the end of me
My heart is still open
I'm bruised but not broken
Been alot of tears stained nights
I thought the tears were here for life, baby
The hurt came on and held on tight, yeah
Took a chance, I took a fall
Love broke my heart and shattered all my dreams
But I won't be down on my knees
Cuz I'll rise above it
And I'll pick myself up
And I'll shake the rain out of my heart
[CHORUS]
And I'll be alright
And I'll love again
And the wounds will mend
I'm bruised but not broken
And the pain will fade
I'll get back on my feet
It's not the end of me
My heart is still open
I'm bruised but not broken
Gonna pick my heart up
Take my life back
Shake the hurt away
Pull myself together, put the pieces back in place
I learned love's so hard
Love left my soul scarred
I was shattered inside
[CHORUS]
And I'll be alright
And I'll love again
And the wounds will mend
I'm bruised but not broken
And the pain will fade
I'll get back on my feet
It's not the end of me
My heart is still open
I'm bruised but not broken
Video from You Tube
Lyrics from AZ Lyrics
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Great Quotes
"You dont need to justify or explain your dreams. They belong to you."
- Paulo Coelho
"Learn to appreciate what you have before time makes you appreciate what you had."
-Unknown
- Paulo Coelho
"Learn to appreciate what you have before time makes you appreciate what you had."
-Unknown
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Currently Listening To...
This Katy Perry song spun into rotation this afternoon and I can't help but think this is how I am going to feel when I finally start dating someone else and it gets physical...
Thinking of You
Katy Perry
Full Lyrics:
Comparisons are easily done
Once you've had a taste of perfection
Like an apple hanging from a tree
I picked the ripest one, I still got the seed
You said move on, where do I go?
I guess second best is all I will know
'Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you
(Thinking of you, thinking of you)
Thinking of you, what you would do
If you were the one who was spending the night
(Spending the night, spending the night)
Oh, I wish that I was looking into your eyes
You're like an Indian Summer in the middle of winter
Like a hard candy with a surprise center
How do I get better once I've had the best?
You said there's tons of fish in the water, so the waters I will test
He kissed my lips, I taste your mouth, oh!
(Taste your mouth)
He pulled me in, I was disgusted with myself
'Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you
(Thinking of you, thinking of you)
Thinking of you, what you would do
If you were the one who was spending the night
(Spending the night, spending the night)
Oh, I wish that I was looking into
You're the best, and yes, I do regret
How I could let myself let you go
Now, now the lesson's learned
I touched it, I was burned
Oh, I think you should know!
'Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you
(Thinking of you, thinking of you)
Thinking of you, what you would do
If you were the one who was spending the night
(Spending the night, spending the night)
Oh, I wish that I was looking into your, your eyes
Looking into your eyes, looking into your eyes
Oh, won't you walk through?
And bust in the door and take me away?
Oh, no more mistakes
'Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay, stay
Video from You Tube
Lyrics from
Thinking of You
Katy Perry
Full Lyrics:
Comparisons are easily done
Once you've had a taste of perfection
Like an apple hanging from a tree
I picked the ripest one, I still got the seed
You said move on, where do I go?
I guess second best is all I will know
'Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you
(Thinking of you, thinking of you)
Thinking of you, what you would do
If you were the one who was spending the night
(Spending the night, spending the night)
Oh, I wish that I was looking into your eyes
You're like an Indian Summer in the middle of winter
Like a hard candy with a surprise center
How do I get better once I've had the best?
You said there's tons of fish in the water, so the waters I will test
He kissed my lips, I taste your mouth, oh!
(Taste your mouth)
He pulled me in, I was disgusted with myself
'Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you
(Thinking of you, thinking of you)
Thinking of you, what you would do
If you were the one who was spending the night
(Spending the night, spending the night)
Oh, I wish that I was looking into
You're the best, and yes, I do regret
How I could let myself let you go
Now, now the lesson's learned
I touched it, I was burned
Oh, I think you should know!
'Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you
(Thinking of you, thinking of you)
Thinking of you, what you would do
If you were the one who was spending the night
(Spending the night, spending the night)
Oh, I wish that I was looking into your, your eyes
Looking into your eyes, looking into your eyes
Oh, won't you walk through?
And bust in the door and take me away?
Oh, no more mistakes
'Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay, stay
Video from You Tube
Lyrics from
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Currently Listening To...
Can You Discover by Discovery
Despite the pleading lyrics, the song has an almost optimistic feel with the background synth. I can't say that I haven't felt like this in recent months....
Full Lyrics:
Oh baby baby babe,
How long am I supposed to wait
I think about you nightly
Oh can you tell i'm losing sleep
Oh what am I supposed to do?
It's hard to stay cool
When you smile at me
And I get nervous every time you speak
My bed's too big for just me
When you turn your eyes
I promise I won't care
Oh baby baby babe
Oh baby baby please
My heart sinks to my feet
Oh baby baby do you know
I think about you nightly
My bed's too big for just me
When you turn your eyes
I promise I won't care
Standing by your sister fair
Oh baby baby please
I think about you nightly
Oh baby baby babe
When I look into your eyes
I tend to lose my thoughts
Don't forget your stare
Oh what was that you said
Would you let me know
'Cause I can't read your mind
Oh can you tell
I can't even explain
Video from You Tube
Lyrics from Song Meaning
Despite the pleading lyrics, the song has an almost optimistic feel with the background synth. I can't say that I haven't felt like this in recent months....
Full Lyrics:
Oh baby baby babe,
How long am I supposed to wait
I think about you nightly
Oh can you tell i'm losing sleep
Oh what am I supposed to do?
It's hard to stay cool
When you smile at me
And I get nervous every time you speak
My bed's too big for just me
When you turn your eyes
I promise I won't care
Oh baby baby babe
Oh baby baby please
My heart sinks to my feet
Oh baby baby do you know
I think about you nightly
My bed's too big for just me
When you turn your eyes
I promise I won't care
Standing by your sister fair
Oh baby baby please
I think about you nightly
Oh baby baby babe
When I look into your eyes
I tend to lose my thoughts
Don't forget your stare
Oh what was that you said
Would you let me know
'Cause I can't read your mind
Oh can you tell
I can't even explain
Video from You Tube
Lyrics from Song Meaning
Quotes to live by
My cousin Lena had this posted on her wall this morning, I think it is a fantastic quote to live by...
“All of life is a journey which paths we take, what we look back on, and what we look forward to is up to us. We determine our destination, what kind of road we will take to get there, and how happy we are when we get there.”
I am ready to look back at the old, not with distaste but as growth.
I am ready to get back on the road of my life.
I am ready to make the happiness I want and not to rely on others.
Happy Hump Day!
xoxo
“All of life is a journey which paths we take, what we look back on, and what we look forward to is up to us. We determine our destination, what kind of road we will take to get there, and how happy we are when we get there.”
I am ready to look back at the old, not with distaste but as growth.
I am ready to get back on the road of my life.
I am ready to make the happiness I want and not to rely on others.
Happy Hump Day!
xoxo
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Quotes to live by
"Don't dwell on the memories of a failed relationship, move on and create new ones with someone who will cherish them with you."
Monday, July 11, 2011
This weekend...
So I had a bit of an emotional weekend. It all started out with my annual review at the office. Let's just say that I felt extremely blindsided by one of the areas I was rated - also, my raise wasn't as much as I was hoping for and it was all around disappointment. After many tears (yep, John loved that) on Friday and Saturday - I resolved to put it behind me and decide what my next move would be.
That said, as usual, I had a fantastic time with John at the whiskey tasting. He was totally inattentive and actually said these words to me 'I am sorry that I am so selfish and I enjoy my alone time - you know this has nothing to do with you. The reason I am here with you tonight is because I enjoy your company so much.' Ugh. We did have some good conversation and there was hand holding, morning omelet making and even a couple texts checking in on me and the status of my feelings about the review. I gotta wash this man out of my hair but I seem incapable of doing it.
Sigh.
It makes it difficult when you know that the other person has feelings for you. I even mentioned that I was probably going to stop the physical stuff and he made a pouty face. Really? Man up a little bit dude. I don't need to be entertained and I sure as hell love my own alone time. You are missing out loser.
So anyway, still going to go out and try to meet some new peeps. Gotta get over this hump!
Other than the ridiculous decisions I make regarding John. I had a pretty decent weekend. I went to my first ever children's bday party at the Chuck E Cheese. I actually had a fantastic time. It was wonderful to be able to celebrate my friend Melaney and her adopted daughter that she is hosting until the adoption goes through. Not to mention seeing my old High School ladies and all of the compliments they showered on me about my weight loss.
Sunday I slept in and then headed to the pool when I got some sun and read almost an entire book. I love lazy days at the pool!
Now I am just getting ready to put a close to my Monday and hit the gym. The best part is a new LA Fitness location opened and I pass it to and from work! Whoop!!!
xoxo!
That said, as usual, I had a fantastic time with John at the whiskey tasting. He was totally inattentive and actually said these words to me 'I am sorry that I am so selfish and I enjoy my alone time - you know this has nothing to do with you. The reason I am here with you tonight is because I enjoy your company so much.' Ugh. We did have some good conversation and there was hand holding, morning omelet making and even a couple texts checking in on me and the status of my feelings about the review. I gotta wash this man out of my hair but I seem incapable of doing it.
Sigh.
It makes it difficult when you know that the other person has feelings for you. I even mentioned that I was probably going to stop the physical stuff and he made a pouty face. Really? Man up a little bit dude. I don't need to be entertained and I sure as hell love my own alone time. You are missing out loser.
So anyway, still going to go out and try to meet some new peeps. Gotta get over this hump!
Other than the ridiculous decisions I make regarding John. I had a pretty decent weekend. I went to my first ever children's bday party at the Chuck E Cheese. I actually had a fantastic time. It was wonderful to be able to celebrate my friend Melaney and her adopted daughter that she is hosting until the adoption goes through. Not to mention seeing my old High School ladies and all of the compliments they showered on me about my weight loss.
Sunday I slept in and then headed to the pool when I got some sun and read almost an entire book. I love lazy days at the pool!
Now I am just getting ready to put a close to my Monday and hit the gym. The best part is a new LA Fitness location opened and I pass it to and from work! Whoop!!!
xoxo!
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Currently Listening To...
This morning as I was perusing my Facebook page to get my morning started at work, I noticed my friend Cari has posted some lyrics to Colplay's 'Fix You.' This has to be one of my favorite Coldplay songs and that status was cemented with the amazing routine that Allison & Robert did last season on SYTYCD.
Click here to watch the amazing dance routine with back story from the Choreographer Travis Wall.
WATCH DANCE ROUTINE
Full Lyrics:
When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Tears stream down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down on your face
And I...
Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down on your face
And I...
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Lyrics from AZ Lyrics
Click here to watch the amazing dance routine with back story from the Choreographer Travis Wall.
WATCH DANCE ROUTINE
Full Lyrics:
When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Tears stream down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down on your face
And I...
Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down on your face
And I...
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Lyrics from AZ Lyrics
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
What's Up? - Status Report
So I thought it was time to catch up on the blog with everything that I have been doing lately. Last night I had a bit of a scare because my friend Cari texted me and asked why I took my blog down - it was missing! Thankfully this morning order has been restored.
On the 4th of July I ran and completed my first Peachtree Road Race. OK, so I didn't really run all the way, but I now have a new goal in mind next year for the time I want and I will be training differently. I am so glad I did it, it is something that I have wanted to do since high school but have always been afraid. Felt good to set a goal and meet it even though I had some fears.
Waiting to start:
Celebratory beer:
All in all, I had a fantastic holiday weekend. Saturday my friend Sarah and I met some guys at my pool and ended up hanging out with them all day and night. Not really prospects as two of them live down south and also the three of them talked to me about this lame 'relationship' that I am having still with John. My favorite part was when Tony told me that I was way to 'beautiful, smart and amazing' to be hung up on someone who obviously has their own issues that has nothing to do with me.
One of the guys in my new float:
All the support from them and also completing a goal I have had for so many years is really helping me to turn the corner on this John stuff for good. I was already in the frame of mind that our whiskey tasting plans this Friday would mark the end of it for me. This past weekend just reinforced it. At this point, I wonder if I even want to be friends with him, I know that it is time to really move on and I don't need to be concentrating any of my energy in that direction. Word!
Hopefully everyone had a wonderful time celebrating our independence and Angela's birthday!
Will try to update after Friday night if not before!
xoxo,
K
On the 4th of July I ran and completed my first Peachtree Road Race. OK, so I didn't really run all the way, but I now have a new goal in mind next year for the time I want and I will be training differently. I am so glad I did it, it is something that I have wanted to do since high school but have always been afraid. Felt good to set a goal and meet it even though I had some fears.
Waiting to start:
Celebratory beer:
All in all, I had a fantastic holiday weekend. Saturday my friend Sarah and I met some guys at my pool and ended up hanging out with them all day and night. Not really prospects as two of them live down south and also the three of them talked to me about this lame 'relationship' that I am having still with John. My favorite part was when Tony told me that I was way to 'beautiful, smart and amazing' to be hung up on someone who obviously has their own issues that has nothing to do with me.
One of the guys in my new float:
All the support from them and also completing a goal I have had for so many years is really helping me to turn the corner on this John stuff for good. I was already in the frame of mind that our whiskey tasting plans this Friday would mark the end of it for me. This past weekend just reinforced it. At this point, I wonder if I even want to be friends with him, I know that it is time to really move on and I don't need to be concentrating any of my energy in that direction. Word!
Hopefully everyone had a wonderful time celebrating our independence and Angela's birthday!
Will try to update after Friday night if not before!
xoxo,
K
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