I couldn't help but think about John last night and what a difference a year makes in your life. Last year at this time we were just starting our romantic relationship after a few months of being friends. I stupidly thought that I had finally met someone that 'completed' me. So many of the same interests but yet was able to teach me about things I didn't know - I loved being challenged mentally by him. Our long conversations about politics and finance or just the random things I knew that I could teach him.
He actually drove all night on Thanksgiving so that he could be home to see me for less than 24 hours before he went on a trip to Costa Rica. Man, life was so exciting. What is so confusing to me, after those first few months, I could see the love grow in his eyes and by the way he touched me. Of course, I also could see the walls that he was putting up between us so that he wouldn't get too close.
I remember right before our relationship ended the first time (yep, I will never again allow myself to be able to say 'ended the first time,' ladies there is a reason there was a first time, don't let there be a second) where he was mentioning buying some furniture for a spare room. I made a couple suggestions on where to go and he snapped 'I know what I want and I don't need your help.' OK then, this was because the night before he HAD to see me and waited around at work until I was done with my plans. That was too close for comfort. The icing on this story? The day after he snapped at me he called me to ask my opinion on some furniture he was looking at. Really? I thought you didn't need my help a-hole.
I don't know why this still hurts so much. I really thought I was moving past it but lately my dreams have been so full of him. Thankfully I am actually going out and meeting some others so I have distractions. All I can do at this point is let time go by and the healing to be complete. Thankfully I have resisted any urge to contact him and I know it will be difficult on T-day and Christmas but I have to be strong.
As usual, @ihatequotes sums up how I try to look at this situation with a couple of gems:
"Sometimes you have to give up on someone. Everyone in your journey is meant to be in your journey, but not everyone is meant to stay there."
"Stop worrying about people who aren't in your life anymore. There's a good reason they didnt make it. Keep moving!"
"It's better to be single but happy rather than to be with someone who does nothing while you're doing everything."
Also a good person to follow is @GirlPosts
"Sometimes the people you love most leave. They leave because they're scared they might love you back."
"If hes dumb enough to walk away, be smart enough to let him go."
"Sometimes what you want isn't always what you get, but in the end what you get is so much better than what you had wanted."
