My behavior this weekend really disappointed myself but more importantly has potentially done some irreversable damage to a very important relationship in my life. Waking up on Sunday and feeling the way I did, I realized it was time to really make that change.
I obviously have many unresolved feelings from the whole John 'relationship' that I really haven't allowed myself to explore or admit are there. There is a lot of anger hidden right underneath the surface and instead of dealing with it in a productive way and trying to work past it, I lashed out at one of my best friends this weekend with ridiculous, drunken behavior. The worst part is I have NO idea of what I said but I know I have had a night like this before and it was NOT pretty.
Now I was completely hormonal, but that is no excuse to act the way I did and to make the bad decisions that I made. All I know is that it is time to make a change to some of the destructive behavior I have been allowing myself to engage in. No more drinking at home by myself. Creating a limit to what I drink when out watching football or hanging out with friends. Finally making the therapy appointment that I so badly need and getting my butt back to working out.
I have been wanting to make a positive change and I hate that it has taken me hitting close to rock bottom to actually be committed to making the change.
Hopefully my friend will be able to forgive me and we will be able to work past this episode. I can only pray that the strong bond that we have forged over the last 5 years will help to ensure this happens.
Thankfully I just got an email and my friend accepted my apology!!!!
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