This week I was lucky to be introduced to a new band called The Civil Wars (Ironically, they released the album on the anniversary of the start of the Civil War - branding at its best peeps!).
I like to put my iTunes on recently added and just let it run through all of the new music I have recently purchased, ripped, borrowed from someone else...This morning 'I Want You Back' by The Civil Wars came on and immediately I started listening to the lyrics...
When I had you to myself
I didn't want you around
Those pretty faces always made you stand out in a crowd
But someone picked you from the bunch
One glance was all it took
Now it's much too late for me to go and take a second look
Oh baby give me one more chance
Won't you please let me in your heart
Oh darling I was blind to let you go
Now that I see you in his arms
I want you back
I want you back
I want you back
Trying to live without your love
Is like one long sleepless night
Let me show you boy
That I really know, I know wrong from right
Cause every street you're walking on
You leave tear stains on the ground
Follow boy, I didn't even want
Didn't even want you around
Oh baby give me one more chance
To show you I love you
Won't you please let me in your heart
Oh darling I was blind to let you go
Let you go baby
Now that I see you in his arms
Oh now that I see you in his arms
I want you back
I want you back
I want you back
Well - if this isn't the things that everyone woman has wanted a man to say to them after I break up - I would be amazed...
Here it is for your listening pleasure!
Showing posts with label delusional fantasy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label delusional fantasy. Show all posts
Friday, April 15, 2011
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Status Update
For the most part, things are really starting to look up for me and I am moving on with my life. I just wish I could stop thinking about how I miss John. Honestly, looking back I can say that the relationship did not fulfill me and that I ignored the red flags that I saw throughout because I wanted it to work.
I really liked him so I lead with my heart and I don't regret it. Do I still fantasize that he will come back around to tell me that he realizes that his life was better with me in it - of course. However, the more I think about it, the more I would hope that I would politely decline to have him back romantically in mine.
Why I have been giving this so much thought, I have no idea - I know that he is NEVER going to say anything remotely close to the delusion above, but here are the reasons...
1. He would seriously have to be open to there being a future in the relationship and (wait for it) a commitment. I think even typing the word would probably give him heart palpitations.
2. Sometimes I think maybe he has a slightly derogatory view of women by some of his comments. Most recently he made some crap comment about how the decision making in women was ridiculous. This was because I mentioned I had picked the Rangers to beat the BoSox because CJ Wilson was pitching and he amused me on Twitter. Then he even went so far to ask me which color uniform I liked better. Don't even get me started on his comments about women drivers (though I do agree that many of them suck the big one).
3. I just don't think he is the man for me. I have to wonder if he even knows what love is or has ever been in love. I want someone that thinks I am the cat's meow, the bees knees, etc.
Anywho - now that I got that out, let's discuss the rest of what is going on with me. Hitting the Braves game on Sunday and super stoked because The Avett Brothers are playing after the game. Word.
Also, I have lost 12 lbs! I am super stoked and I am just going to continue doing what I am doing. It really gave me a boost to see that the working out and eating better was starting to show. My new goal is to lose 10 more pounds by the end of May, I am really hoping that it will be quicker, but I wanted to make sure the goal was attainable.
Thinking about signing up on eHarm. I am ready to find someone that appreciates me and I don't think I am going to find that at a bar. Not to mention that after spending some time in the Highlands last month, I fear I have aged out of that scene. Not that I apparently look it - last Sat my friend S and I were out in Downtown Roswell (I know, a rager - ha ha ha) and these girls next to us thought they were older. When I said 'I am 35' you should have seen her face drop - she was totally 28.
Best get back to the work now...
xoxo!
I really liked him so I lead with my heart and I don't regret it. Do I still fantasize that he will come back around to tell me that he realizes that his life was better with me in it - of course. However, the more I think about it, the more I would hope that I would politely decline to have him back romantically in mine.
Why I have been giving this so much thought, I have no idea - I know that he is NEVER going to say anything remotely close to the delusion above, but here are the reasons...
1. He would seriously have to be open to there being a future in the relationship and (wait for it) a commitment. I think even typing the word would probably give him heart palpitations.
2. Sometimes I think maybe he has a slightly derogatory view of women by some of his comments. Most recently he made some crap comment about how the decision making in women was ridiculous. This was because I mentioned I had picked the Rangers to beat the BoSox because CJ Wilson was pitching and he amused me on Twitter. Then he even went so far to ask me which color uniform I liked better. Don't even get me started on his comments about women drivers (though I do agree that many of them suck the big one).
3. I just don't think he is the man for me. I have to wonder if he even knows what love is or has ever been in love. I want someone that thinks I am the cat's meow, the bees knees, etc.
Anywho - now that I got that out, let's discuss the rest of what is going on with me. Hitting the Braves game on Sunday and super stoked because The Avett Brothers are playing after the game. Word.
Also, I have lost 12 lbs! I am super stoked and I am just going to continue doing what I am doing. It really gave me a boost to see that the working out and eating better was starting to show. My new goal is to lose 10 more pounds by the end of May, I am really hoping that it will be quicker, but I wanted to make sure the goal was attainable.
Thinking about signing up on eHarm. I am ready to find someone that appreciates me and I don't think I am going to find that at a bar. Not to mention that after spending some time in the Highlands last month, I fear I have aged out of that scene. Not that I apparently look it - last Sat my friend S and I were out in Downtown Roswell (I know, a rager - ha ha ha) and these girls next to us thought they were older. When I said 'I am 35' you should have seen her face drop - she was totally 28.
Best get back to the work now...
xoxo!
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Sex & the City Moment
Big finds Carrie in Paris and tells her 'it took me a long time to get here, Carrie you are the one.'
No wonder we always think that there is going to be some big Hollywood moment where the guy figures out he can't live without you. These are the images that we see over and over again.
I won't lie, I thought to myself - see, it could happen. Delusion!
No wonder we always think that there is going to be some big Hollywood moment where the guy figures out he can't live without you. These are the images that we see over and over again.
I won't lie, I thought to myself - see, it could happen. Delusion!
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
New Mantra
It's not going to happen...
It's not going to happen...
It's not going to happen...
It's not going to happen...
It's not going to happen...
It's not going to happen...
It's not going to happen...
It's not going to happen...
It's not going to happen...
It's not going to happen...
It's not going to happen...
It's not going to happen...
It's not going to happen...
It's not going to happen...
It's not going to happen...
Status Report
Last night and even a little bit this morning have been a little rough on me. I had a rough time sleeping last night - a couple weeks ago, J gave my bed the people's elbow and bent one of the wheels on the frame, so it is a little wonky. Needless to say, last night all I could see was the wonk - it made it very difficult for me to fall asleep because my mind was wondering.
I can't tell you how many delusional scenarios I was dreaming up at 1 AM, but I can tell you they all ended up with saying some of the following words to me:
-Damn I have missed you (we were snuggling in my broken bed during the delusion)
-Katie, I made a mistake, I have totally been falling in love with you but trying not to let myself. (to which I told him that I didn't believe him - point me)
-Can we please try again? I keep wanting to tell you about all the things going on in my life and it made me realize how much I enjoyed having you in my life (yes, I that is actually me who keeps wanted to tell him things, sigh).
My head knows that none of these things are ever going to happen. My heart just isn't ready to accept it yet and keeps making my head doubt itself. This produced a few tears last night and I did have a little breakdown this morning at the office.
I am just so glad I started this blog so I could get these things out - who knew basically writing an online diary would be so beneficial?
That said - I am just going to keep truckin' along and I know in time things will feel better. I am also going to do my best NOT to contact him at all - it is difficult, but necessary. Not going to be the one who can't let go...
I can't tell you how many delusional scenarios I was dreaming up at 1 AM, but I can tell you they all ended up with saying some of the following words to me:
-Damn I have missed you (we were snuggling in my broken bed during the delusion)
-Katie, I made a mistake, I have totally been falling in love with you but trying not to let myself. (to which I told him that I didn't believe him - point me)
-Can we please try again? I keep wanting to tell you about all the things going on in my life and it made me realize how much I enjoyed having you in my life (yes, I that is actually me who keeps wanted to tell him things, sigh).
My head knows that none of these things are ever going to happen. My heart just isn't ready to accept it yet and keeps making my head doubt itself. This produced a few tears last night and I did have a little breakdown this morning at the office.
I am just so glad I started this blog so I could get these things out - who knew basically writing an online diary would be so beneficial?
That said - I am just going to keep truckin' along and I know in time things will feel better. I am also going to do my best NOT to contact him at all - it is difficult, but necessary. Not going to be the one who can't let go...
Monday, March 14, 2011
Currently Listening To...
Adele - Best for Last
This sums up how I felt before I ended it...Great song.
Full Lyrics:
Wait, do you see my heart on my sleeve?
It's been there for days on end and
It's been waiting for you to open up
Just you baby, come on now
I'm trying to tell you just how
I'd like to hear the words roll out of your mouth finally
Say that it's always been me
That's made you feel a way you've never felt before
And I'm all you need and that you never want more
Then you'd say all of the right things without a clue
But you'd save the best for last
Like I'm the one for you
You should know that you're just a temporary fix
This is not rooted with you it don't mean that much to me
You're just a filler in the space that happened to be free
How dare you think you'd get away with trying to play me
Why is it every time I think I've tried my hardest
It turns out it ain't enough, you're still not mentioning love
What am I supposed to do to make you want me properly?
I'm taking these chances and getting nowhere
And though I'm trying my hardest you go back to her
And I think that I know things may never change
I'm still hoping one day I might hear you say
I make you feel a way you've never felt before
And I'm all you need and that you never want more
Then you'd say all of the right things without a clue
But you'd save the best for last
Like I'm the one for you
You should know that you're just a temporary fix
This is not rooted with you it don't mean that much to me
You're just a filler in the space that happened to be free
How dare you think you'd get away with trying to play me
But, despite the truth that I know
I find it hard to let go and give up on you
Seems I love the things you do
Like the meaner you treat me the more eager I am
To persist with this heartbreak and running around
And I will do until I find myself with you
And make you feel a way you've never felt before
And I'm all you need and that you never want more
And we'll say all of the right things without a clue
And you'll be the one for me and me the one for you
This sums up how I felt before I ended it...Great song.
Full Lyrics:
Wait, do you see my heart on my sleeve?
It's been there for days on end and
It's been waiting for you to open up
Just you baby, come on now
I'm trying to tell you just how
I'd like to hear the words roll out of your mouth finally
Say that it's always been me
That's made you feel a way you've never felt before
And I'm all you need and that you never want more
Then you'd say all of the right things without a clue
But you'd save the best for last
Like I'm the one for you
You should know that you're just a temporary fix
This is not rooted with you it don't mean that much to me
You're just a filler in the space that happened to be free
How dare you think you'd get away with trying to play me
Why is it every time I think I've tried my hardest
It turns out it ain't enough, you're still not mentioning love
What am I supposed to do to make you want me properly?
I'm taking these chances and getting nowhere
And though I'm trying my hardest you go back to her
And I think that I know things may never change
I'm still hoping one day I might hear you say
I make you feel a way you've never felt before
And I'm all you need and that you never want more
Then you'd say all of the right things without a clue
But you'd save the best for last
Like I'm the one for you
You should know that you're just a temporary fix
This is not rooted with you it don't mean that much to me
You're just a filler in the space that happened to be free
How dare you think you'd get away with trying to play me
But, despite the truth that I know
I find it hard to let go and give up on you
Seems I love the things you do
Like the meaner you treat me the more eager I am
To persist with this heartbreak and running around
And I will do until I find myself with you
And make you feel a way you've never felt before
And I'm all you need and that you never want more
And we'll say all of the right things without a clue
And you'll be the one for me and me the one for you
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Here is my first Pretty Woman moment...
It doesn't involve me as a hooker leaving the life and being on a balcony where my 'prince' climbs to love me; my fantasy is a little bit more simple:
I am sitting on my couch in my old, ratty pj's and there is a knock at the door. At first my heart leaps thinking it might be the man, but then my brain takes over - must just be the pizza man at the wrong door. I look through the peep hole and there he is...
I open the door with belligerence and he just comes out and tells me that he was wrong, he can't live without me.
Then my brain takes over the daydream and I realize I am just living a Hollywood fantasy. More than likely the only time I will ever run into this guy will be by sheer coincidence.
Score 1 - Hollywood, Score 0 - Me.
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